BREAKING: Colin Kaepernick announces he will no longer protest after reading your aunt’s Facebook post

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SAN FRANCISCO — San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick told reporters today that he will no longer kneel in protest during the anthem to raise awareness about police violence against people of color. And it’s all thanks to coming across one of your aunt’s posts on Facebook about the issue.

“It had eight likes and three shares so it pretty much went viral and landed in my feed,” Kaepernick said of the post your aunt put up last night at 10:11 p.m. after she finished watching Designated Survivor. “She presented things in a way I had not considered before. For example, it turns out that regardless of what I say, I hate the troops. And her uncle served in the Coast Guard in the late ’70s so it really hits home for her. Also, she made it clear that because I make a lot of money, there is no reason for me to complain about anything and that I’m actually the racist one when you break it all down. So silence it is for me from here on out.”

The quarterback said he briefly considered commenting on your aunt’s post to thank her for her wisdom, but then remembered that she made the case that he should just “shut his mouth and be grateful.”

“I don’t deserve to speak out like your aunt does,” said Kaepernick. “She is using her platform to say how she feels and that’s just how it is, even if I didn’t agree. It’s her right and everybody’s right to use what means they can to say what they think. It’s just not my right, unfortunately.”

Kaepernick said he also liked a post on your aunt’s page celebrating that it’s “Only one more day to Friday!”

“You see, Fridays are fun because it’s the end of the standard work week,” said the quarterback. “Although a lot of people of color in this country and those born into poverty have to work nights and weekends because of systematic economic disparity in the United States. Oh, man. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. Please forgive me.”

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