Science Says, Drinking Coffee Makes Your Boobs Smaller

3tf

WTF?!

Finally, an explanation for why I’m as flat chested as a 10-year-old boy: my copious coffee consumption.

Blame Starbucks! Blame Starbucks! (Sung to the tune of “Blame Canada” on South Park.)

Swedish researchers discovered, drinking lots of coffee reduces the size of women’s boobs. (Don’t researchers study anything important anymore, like a cure for cancer?)

The chief oncologist of the study, Helena Jernstroem, was observing data linking large-breasted women to an increased risk of a breast cancer diagnosis when she found the link between coffee and breasts. The correlation being that, those ladies who drink three cups of coffee per day can decrease the odds of breast cancer.

The Swedish studies (conducted using 270 women) found that about half of women carry the gene that is responsible for the boob shrinkage in coffee drinkers.

Jernstroem assured us, “They will get smaller but the breasts aren’t just going to disappear.”

Though she did add, “Anyone who thinks they can tell which women are coffee drinkers just from their bra measurements will be disappointed.” Adding, “The problem is that there are two measures for a bra — the cup size and the girth, so you wouldn’t be able to tell.”

Good thing that the myth of all men drooling over large boobs is just that: a myth. Therefore, us tiny-cup-sizes can keep on sipping our flat whites with wild abandon!

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