First dates are always awkward. You have no idea what to say or how to behave. You don’t know the other person much. So there is hardly any common ground for you to talk. You both try to put your best sides and at the same time expect genuine behaviour from the other. And not to forget, there is always the fear of being rejected.
But what if we tell you that performing an even more awkward exercise can not only break the ice between you two but might also lead to a meaningful relationship later?
In 1997, Arthur Aron put forward an idea in his study ‘The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness’ that four minutes of uninterrupted eye contact even with a complete stranger can lead you to develop a strong bond.
However utopian it may sound, this experiment is actually based on psychology. Eye contact is a powerful simulator of affection. When we look someone directly in the other person’s eyes, our body releases certain chemicals that enable us to feel a deep connect with the other.
Along with the four-minute eye contact, Aron listed a set of 36 questions that can create “interpersonal closeness” between two people. According to the study, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” In answering the questions addressed to you, you are rendering yourself vulnerable. And as is said, mutual vulnerability promotes closeness.
The questions that are part of the set range from something general like: “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” to something intimate like: “When did you last cry in front of another person?”
So next time you want someone to fall for you, look into their eyes.
Written by Tomi – The Usual Routine