Have you ever confronted a Narcissist? You might have noticed a drastic behavioural change in him or her. The Narcissist who was once very gentle and polite towards you might have completely changed. It is quite natural that a narcissist might suddenly change his polished nature into violent and furious nature. This personality change can be more elaborately described as ‘the proverbial kitten has turned into a lion’.
Why do Narcissists need to be confronted?
If you come to know that one of your nearest people, maybe your partner or your parent is a Narcissist, you might try to change them. But the result you would get is not so satisfactory. Be ready to get a complete disappointment, as they would never realize their act and be never remorseful for the pain they have caused.
The Narcissists are in so deep love with themselves that they cannot even think and tolerate that they are less than perfect. As a young child, theyare always urging for self-appreciation. A Narcissist is never a self-reflector they are always self-love.
You must always be prepared for the outcome that you are going to achieve in your way of confronting a Narcissist. If you expect equality, acceptance or significance in your relationship with a Narcissist, then be prepared for the utmost disappointment on your part.
Sometimes, it becomes difficult enough for you to stay with a Narcissist partner. But you cannot end up your journey with him due to certain social and economic obstacles. In such circumstances, you have no other way rather than confronting your Narcissist partner.
Expected reactions from a Confronted Narcissist
If you try to confront a Narcissist then be prepared for all the adverse effects you are going to face. As it is already discussed the Narcissist are always self-lovers so,if you would point out any of their negative side of the character they are sure to show certain signs of passive aggression. He or she might become furious and blame you to be a liar. A Narcissist will try every possible way to prove himselfsuperior as the mere thought of inferiority is unacceptable to him. He or she might show the reality in a different way from their point of view which might lead others to think that you are the main culprit. It is also quite common for a Narcissist to deny every accuse imposed by you of him or her. Moreover, they might project everything said by you about them on to you. For instance, if you ever blame them for being unfaithful, they will just turn it towards you and make you responsible for their infidelity. Be prepared for becoming the victim of Silent Treatmentfrom a Narcissist. If you are confident and bold enough to tolerate all these ill-treatment from a Narcissist then just proceed and follow the following steps to confront a Narcissist. But don’t ever expect a permanent or positive change in their nature.
What causes “narcissistic rage”? The Narcissists love themselves so much that they cannot accept any kind of criticism or disagreement from others. “Narcissists react with narcissistic rage to narcissistic injury”. The Narcissists consider every disagreement as criticism. Every remark made against them is so taken by them as humiliating. As the Narcissists always try to be perfect and runs for perfection, so, even the negligible challenge to their self-perfection is seen as a treat to them. Thus, they react defensively on every over-reaction and it often makes them aggressive and emotionally detached from others. Not only this, they even gather deep hatred for those who have dared to criticize, confront or disagreed with them. By devaluing that individual the Narcissist tries to harass, blame and even abuses that person both physically and mentally. By continuing all these emotional violations the Narcissists minimize the impact of the fear and threat that had burdened their minds.
“Narcissistic rage” may be described as the reaction to Narcissist injury. Narcissist rage can be categorized into two types explosive and passive-aggressive.
1.Explosive – just as an erupting volcano the Narcissist explodes with their grudge-bearing anger onto those who have criticized or disagreed with them. They become so violent that they eventually cause damage to lives and object around them.
2.Passive-aggressive– This category of Narcissists is not as furious or violent as the former one. They perform the Silent Treatment, which may include making plans to punish the others who are regarded as a victim by them. They silently disturb and damage the work of the other person without letting them know about the plan. They are malignant and grudge-bearing.
Ways to confront a Narcissist:
Abandon the Narcissist
Sam Vaknin who is a self-proclaimed Narcissist and author of “Malignant Self-Love”, described a unique way of confronting a Narcissist. According to him, a Narcissist can be best controlled by using the weapon which he or she uses to overpower others. The ‘weapon’ is by abandoning them or by threatening them to abandon. In order to confront a narcissist, you must have to be violent and aggressive like a narcissist. Then only you can keep them controlled. The very thought of abandonment is painful for them as they always long for appreciation and importance.
Though the Narcissist is generally cruel, violent, and aggressive if they are opposed or if they are criticized, when you do the same reactions towards them they tend to become quiet and cools down. In other words, if they shout at you, you too shout at them more violently. Consequently, he will try to make amendments in his character. A significant change in his nature may be spotted. A cold, angry, cynical and cruel Narcissist will gradually change into a warm, loving, optimistic and kind person.
Repeat the Narcissist’s action and his words back to him
Mirroring a Narcissist’s action against him can confront a narcissist to a great deal. You must do every action the Narcissist performs to gain importance. For instance, if he threatens you, then you also have to repeat the same threat with more vigour. You have to lower down to his level in order to resist him.
Narcissists are a great threat to our society. They are superficial individuals who are often generated from the behaviour toward their friends and family. To confront them effectively and successfully one has to be strong and robust to oppose their acts directly. They can only be controlled by mirroring their own acts in front of them. By doing this you can not only regain your control over them but at the same time can make them truly a social being.